How To Know Who & What To Trust
I know that having information on whether to trust others is important, and I’m certainly going to address this a little later. However, first, I’m going to speak to another aspect of trust which may be even more important, and that is how to know what part of ourselves to trust, especially when we are upset.
For example, have you ever found yourself anxious or worried about something that isn’t actually happening, or at least where you know that worry or anxiety aren’t helping you in any way? Maybe it was worrying about flying, or succeeding in some endeavor, or what other people think. Or, maybe it was just a generalized sense of anxiety.
Regardless, the question that many people have when they feel this way is whether this sense of dread or impending failure is truly something to be worried about, and/or why they find themselves so worried and anxious in the first place. To answer this, I suggest we look at what worry and anxiety really are. And, to further answer this, we need to understand just a little of how the brain works.
For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that the brain can be divided into three basic parts. The lower brain is called the brainstem, the middle brain is the limbic system, and the upper 80% of the brain is called the neocortex.
The middle brain is the “gate keeper.” It constantly scans incoming data to determine whether we are in danger. If it perceives a situation that it interprets as negative or dangerous, it immediately sends the data down to the lower brain, bypassing the neocortex!
This is perfect in a situation that is truly dangerous because often we will need to react without thinking in order to stay safe (someone jumps out at us from the bushes, for example). The problem, however, is that our middle brain is not very smart. It is over-interpreting danger, and is trying to keep us safe by having us become worried about what might happen. What if the plane crashes, what if we don’t get the job, what if someone doesn’t like us, what if I try but I fail, what if I’m just not enough in some way?
This may have been something we were inadvertently taught as children, i.e., to trust worry to keep us safe, or ensure that we make good grades, avoid failure in some sport or endeavor. It’s understandable, but it isn’t working for us, because when we find ourselves trying to deal with life from this reactive, lower 20% of the brain, we are often less than successful, which, of course, triggers more worry and anxiety.
Therefore, I suggest we become skilled at knowing when to trust worry and when to override this fear-based perspective. I believe we should absolutely trust worry when we are in a dangerous situation. However, when we are worried about something that isn’t happening… some situation where we are afraid of failing or being rejected, or getting sick, or not measuring up, etc., then I suggest that we choose to trust some part of the brain other than our limbic system/brainstem, and therefore some other energy than worry. What could that be? How about the awareness that comes from the clear, confident, creative part of the brain (the neocortex)?
You see, awareness isn’t a “Pollyanna” perspective that just pretends everything is fine. It is a clear-headed assessment of the situation that allows us to bring our best to whatever we are wanting to accomplish. Do we want to succeed at some endeavor? Great, what are the qualities and skills that we possess that will lead to that success? Have we ever succeeded at anything in the past by accessing these qualities and skills?
Or, maybe it’s just a joyful experience of life that we are after. What if we trusted the joyful, purposeful, and aware part of the brain over the part of the brain that is trying to keep us safe by keeping us worried and anxious to guide our thoughts, emotions an behaviors…is this something that would serve us… is this something we would recommend to those we love?
Interestingly enough, we can also use this information on how the brain works to determine whether to trust others. If they are coming from the loving, helpful part of the brain (the neocortex), then it’s probably a pretty good idea to listen to what they have to say. However, if they are coming from the critical, angry, defensive brain, then that’s probably not a part we want to trust or listen to for wisdom and guidance.
For those of you who want to know more about how to know what part of the brain we are in and what part to trust, I suggest that you contact me or pick up one of my books, because until we understand the true cause of our concerns, we won’t be able to know who or what to trust.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill