How To Use Our Emotions (vs. Them Using US)
I’m reading an excellent book by Brene’ Brown entitled, “Dare to Lead,” and in it, she speaks to a concept that I have found valuable in helping people bring their best to life, which is using emotions or reactions as valuable signals.
While I like to allude to this concept in the quote above, Dr. Brown describes the process much more succinctly, as she simply says “Get curious, or get crazy!” In other words, when we feel angry, stressed, anxious, frustrated, etc., rather than looking for who’s to blame or descend into a spiral of negative reactions, we would be much better served by getting curious.
We could explore questions such as:
• What story am I telling myself about the situation and/or my reaction?
• Do I have enough information to determine what is really going on?
• Do these emotions truly serve me…are they helping me create the results I’m after?
And my favorite,
• Would I teach or recommend these emotions to someone I love?
For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that these questions can help us access the clear, confident, creative and curious part of the brain, which will then help us move forward in a much more purposeful, manner.
The analogy I like to use is that of a “check engine” light that comes on while we are driving. This isn’t the problem…it is part of the solution. It is a purposeful signal that lets us know that something needs our attention… something needs to change.
When we can get curious about what is truly going on, rather than reacting from the lower 20% of the brain (the brainstem, which is only advisable in fight-or-flight situations), we can use our curious brain to gather information and address either our internal state, or any external situation that needs our attention.
Therefore, the next time that you find yourself feeling, thinking, or acting in a way that isn’t serving you, (that you wouldn’t recommend to someone you love), I suggest that you consider using those reactions as a valuable signal, and get curious about what needs to change.
So much better than “crazy,” don’t you think?
~ All the best, Dr. Bill