New Information on Dealing With Negative Emotions
I love this quote from Winston Churchill because it speaks to the problem many people have with negative emotions. In other words, if we find ourselves feeling worried, frustrated, angry, jealous, anxious, depressed, etc., as we try to deal with life… and then if we feed these emotions by becoming anxious about our anxiety, worried about our worries, and frustrated with our frustration, etc., chances are this will get in the way of our happiness and success.
For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that the reason for this is that these negative emotions come from the lower 20% of the brain (the brainstem). This reactive brain is exactly where we need to be in situations that require us to react without thinking to avoid danger, but not so great when we need to make purposeful decisions about how to best deal with life.
Therefore, the question is how can we deal with these negative emotions in a way that serves us, or in a way that helps us create the life we want? I suggest we use them as “alerts,” or as valuable signals, and then make purposeful decisions on how we want to respond.
For example, when we feel one of these negative emotions, we can ask ourself, “Is this a situation where I need to react without thinking?” Am I truly in danger here?” If so, we can then trust these emotions to run away or fight. If the answer is, “No,” however, then we can move to the second question, “Is this information about some action I need to take?” Are there things going on in my relationship or job that need my attention, and if so, what action do I want to take to address these situations?”
The third question is one few people ask, because they don’t understand how our perceptions, interpretations, and/or expectations (what I call our “piece of the P.I.E.”) shape our lives. However, as a psychologist, I have learned that these forces play a huge role in how we create our experience of life, and therefore present a wonderful opportunity for us to influence this process. In other words, if we have determined that we are not in danger, and this “alert” isn’t about some action we need to take, we can ask ourself if this is a “perception alert?” Could this negative emotion be giving us good information about how we are looking at a situation?
In fact, if we are indeed not in danger, this might be the best question to ask next because if it is a perception alert, we often have more influence over what goes on within us than around us, and we can take steps to ensure that we are indeed looking at the situation in a more purposeful way before we take any action.
All of these options have us choosing to use negative emotions versus them using us. Or, in the words of Winston Churchill, rather than stopping to throw stones at every dog that barks (become angry, frustrated, worried, etc., at every negative situation that comes our way), we can instead shift to the clear, confident, creative brain to determine what to do next.
This is what I teach… how to access the best of who we are by accessing a specific part of the brain, and how to avoid the stress, anxiety, frustration, and anger that gets in the way of us bringing our best to life by avoiding a specific part of the brain. If you feel that this would be valuable to you and/or your organization, I suggest you contact me by phone or email. Otherwise, you may find yourself simply throwing stones at barking dogs for quite some time.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill