Most would agree that unproductive worry, or ruminating over some event that isn’t happening and is outside of our control is not a good idea. And, yet, have you noticed how common it is?

The Neuroscience

Why is that? If we know that it isn’t helpful, why do we still do it? The answer lies in how the brain processes information. Basically, the part of the brain that gets information first (the limbic system), has a negative bias. In other words, it pays more attention to negative data than positive because its mission is to keep us alive as a specie.

Unfortunately, this tendency to over-interpret negative data (such as some future, potentially negative event) as dangerous, results in a release of fight-or-flight chemicals that we experience as anxiety. This would be bad enough if it stopped there, but it doesn’t.

Instead, the anxiety is now paired with an increasing sense of powerlessness which triggers more “anxiety, and we become trapped in an ever-escalating cycle.

Productive Concern

So, what’ the solution? Do we just adopt a laissez-faire perspective of, “don’t worry, be happy?” No. The key here is awareness. First, we need to understand what is happening in the brain so that we don’t think our anxiety is being caused by some external stimuli. Next, we need to ensure that we are distinguishing between unproductive anticipatory anxiety and productive concern.

Productive concern is just that: productive. It helps us make plans, and consider different ways of dealing with the future. It actually engages a different part of the brain (the neocortex, what I call the Top of the Mind) and triggers chemicals, such as, serotonin and endorphins that help us feel better, and think clearer. Productive concern feels good while anticipatory anxiety feels bad.

Three Levels of Creation

Next, if we want to create a more purposeful, productive experience of life, we need to engage the three levels of creation: thought, word, and deed (or action.) We choose thoughts that serve us, such as, enjoying making plans without the need to control the future. We then shift from saying, “I am anxious” to “a part of me is experiencing anxiety due to my middle brain triggering certain chemicals.” Finally, we shift from the lower brain to the Top of the Mind using methods, such as, meditation, prayer, yoga, etc.

A System for Success

This is actually what my “Life from the Top of the Mind” system teaches… how to break the cycle of anxiety (stress, frustration), shift to the clear, confident, creative brain, rewire the brain so that we become more resilient in the future, and engage others to shift from the resistant brain to the receptive brain in order to create more solution-focused conversations.

If you feel that this would be valuable for you and/or your organization, I suggest you contact me, because, as long as we are feeding anticipatory anxiety, we will be forever trapped in the anxious, worried brain and trapped in a cycle of stress, frustration, and powerlessness.

“Getting to ‘Yes” is being talked about a lot these days, and with good reason, because, whether we like to admit it or not, we all like to be influential with others. We like them to hear, understand, and agree with what we believe to be true.

The Problem

Unfortunately, have you also noticed that this desire to convince others of the value, or righteousness of our perspective often results in the opposite reaction? Maybe you have been on the receiving end of someone trying to convince you that they are right and you are wrong. If so, have you noticed how your natural reaction is to resist?

This natural reaction is at the heart of this week’s quote, “You can’t get people to Yes by telling them No, ” In other words, you can’t get someone to hear the value of your perspective when you are criticizing theirs. Much of this has to do with how the brain processes information. For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know how important the limbic system is in our decision-making. Add to this the fact that this part of the brain is also responsible for our survival, and you can understand why it tends to lean toward the cautious when interpreting incoming data. This means that when we try to convince people of the righteousness of our perspective by telling them “No,” or criticizing their perspective, their limbic system interprets this as a threat, and resists being convinced.

The Solution

In my model, the way you get to a place of agreement with someone is by first partnering with their resistance. In other words, when you are talking with people, it’s important to do more than just understand that they believe that they are right. They need to see that you also understand why they think and feel the way they do. Once they see that you get it (which must be sincere, by the way), they then may be willing to consider additional information and even change their minds if you can frame your information in a way that they will hear as valuable.

This is what I teach when I’m asked to help an individual or organization become more influential with others. Don’t get into a debate with them that only has them defending the position you want them to change. Partner with their brainstem or resistance, and then lead them to the neocortex or “Top of the Mind” where you can combine what is important to them with what is important to you.

Would This Be Valuable To Your Organization?

If you would like more information on how this is done, feel free to go to my website (wwwBillCrawfordPhD.com), hit the “contact” button, and let me know what you are interested in. I would love to help you “get others to ‘Yes” in ways that not only have them understanding the value of your perspective, but in a way that lays aHeading foundationntent  for future solution-focused conversation where everyone is coming from the clear, confident, and creative part of the brain.