The Neuroscience of Unhappiness
This quote reminds me of a similar perspective on happiness from Eckhart Tolle’s book, “The Power of Now.” And, while I love how Mr. Tolle encourages us to focus on the present in his book, I like this quote from Marcel Pagnol even more because of how it speaks to how our perspectives on the past, present, and the future can color our experience of life.
So, the obvious question is why? Why do people seem to see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be? Especially when this triune perspective seems to produce so much unhappiness?
I believe that the answer lies in how the brain processes information. Specifically, how the middle part of the brain (the limbic system) tends to perceive and interpret the data it receives from the five senses and other parts of the brain. You see, this part of the brain is hypersensitive to problems, either real or imagined. Therefore, when we see the past as better than it was, we tend to long for those bygone times. Longing is a problem because we can’t change the past. When we see the present as worse than it is, we feel trapped in a world that isn’t what we want. Feeling trapped is a problem because we become blind to, or afraid of making new, present moment choices. And, of course, when we see the future as less resolved than it will be, we worry about what we will do then. Worrying about the future is a problem because, like the past, often we can do nothing at the moment to change it.
These perceptions engage the problem-focused part of the brain, and we react with stress, frustration, anxiety, anger, depression, etc. This world view creates more problems, which triggers more stress, frustration, etc., and we become caught in what I call a “Cycle of Stress.”
My solution to all of this is what I teach in my seminars, books, and private counseling sessions, which is how to become more influential in all aspects of our lives. You see, looking at the past, present, and future with longing, fear, and worry robs us of influence. It says that conditions “out there” determine how I feel, and who I am.
Instead, I suggest we begin to define ourselves “on purpose” or deliberately, and make this self-definition our highest purpose, or the most important thing in our lives. Further, I suggest that we choose qualities that we would teach to a child or someone we love to ensure that we are coming from the loving, wise, nurturing part of the brain?qualities such as confident, creative, and compassionate, for example.
Now we are choosing how we look at the past, present, and future.
• The past had some good times and not so good times. What can I learn from both to apply to my life today?
• The present has both opportunities and roadblocks. How can I move into each of these with confidence, creativity, and compassion?
• The future is yet to be resolved. This means I can imagine it turning out positively or negatively. Which image supports my being able to access my confidence, creativity, and compassion in this moment?
You see, it all has to do with how I can influence now, or the present, because that is the only time I can do anything about anything. And, it has everything to do with everything. In other words, how I see the past influences now, how I imagine the future influences now, and of course, how I perceive the present influences now.
Therefore, to the degree we choose to exercise our influence in a way that is congruent with the happiness, confidence, and success we want, is the degree to which we will experience life in this manner. Or, we can, of course, continue to long for the past, worry about the present, and fear the future. The choice has been, is, and always will be ours to make.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill