When To Use Criticism
As a psychologist, speaker, and corporate trainer, I often find myself speaking to people whose job it is to lead others. Whether these are CEO’s, supervisors, managers, or even parents, they know that correcting other’s mistakes and helping them become more successful is part of their job. And, because so many people (and kids) make so many mistakes, they often find themselves focusing on the problem and using some form of criticism to accomplish that goal.
Unfortunately, what they also discover is that criticizing someone in order to help them correct some problematic behavior often only results in the other person becoming more resistant, or even defending the behavior we are trying to get them to change! This is captured succinctly in this week’s quote from Carl Jung, who said: “Criticism can be effective when there is something that must be destroyed or dissolved, but it is capable only of harm when there is something to be built.”
The reason for this lies in how the brain processes information. For those of you who follow my “Life from the Top of the Mind” philosophy, you know that different parts of the brain function in different ways, and that this can have a tremendous effect on how we think, feel, and act. For example, the middle brain or limbic system, acts as a gate keeper. It gets information first and acts as a scanner, a processor, and a router. Unfortunately, it isn’t very smart, and it is working with old software, which means that it tends to misinterpret anything negative as dangerous, and throws us into the reactive brain (the brainstem). What we want is to access the clear, confident, creative, part of the brain (the neocortex, or the “Top of the Mind”). And, we want to engage the receptive brain of those we are wanting to influence.
To do this, we must be building on who they are at their best versus trying to tear down or convince them to stop some problematic behavior. Of course, this is easier said than done, which is why I have created a three-part system that teaches those who want to become more influential with others how to engage their receptive brain so that they hear our suggestions for change as supportive versus critical.
The phrase I like to use is one I have heard from other professionals called “constructive feedback” versus “constructive criticism.” The latter I believe to be an oxymoron. In other words, if we are indeed wanting to help build or construct a new way of being in others, then let’s make sure that we are engaging the constructive part of their brain and framing our help in a way that brings out their best. If this is something that you would like for your leadership team and/or organization, I suggest that you contact me, because, until we understand how the brain processes information, and how to use this understanding to help others construct a new way of being, we will forever be driving them further into their resistant brain.
~ All the best, Dr. Bill